More tranny stories later!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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