dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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