Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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