Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
