I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
