Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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