Swine flu. Run for my life!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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