I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
