Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
