so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
