at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
