go do what you do best...puke behind churches
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
