I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
