You can't motorboat a personality
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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