Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
