Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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