his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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