my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
