I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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