I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
