that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
