I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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