The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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