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• (773): View more from Illinois

  i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person

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• (817): View more from Texas

  She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  OMG. What did u say?

  (817): View more from Texas

  I told her I did too.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow

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• (214): View more from Texas

  He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.

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