you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
two words...techno handjob
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
