I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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