Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
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