He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
