i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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