I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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