NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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