The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
