At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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