I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
