Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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