So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
