oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
