And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
