I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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