I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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