you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
