census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't deserve a penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
