When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
