You're my little dorito
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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