I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
