Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
