I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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