Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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