I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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