apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
