i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
