Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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