i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
