I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize