come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
