What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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