Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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