I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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