I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
