omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
