i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
