Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
