There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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