I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
