Whoa Z and x make the same sound
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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