I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
