Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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