There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
