her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
