i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
