it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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