Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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